Love

Just like every other man, I have this feeling too. But in a different way, a stronger way and a greater way than the normal man's love towards a woman. I'm writing down the whole story to the best of my knowledge and the most of my truthfulness.

2006-2007 : High school. 11th grade, busy having fun as all of my closest friends moved with me to the same school. a month and a half pass by. Standing outside the school, at a bakery, very famously known in our school as Balaji Bakery, I happen to notice this girl of the other campus with her friends. Very beautiful, cute as an angel. Couldn't take my eyes off of her. Asking my friends "Dude, who is that girl?". No one knew, later in a couple of days got to know her name. Varuna. Wanted to talk to her somehow, someway. Tried so hard, did not have the courage to. After a couple of months, while my best friend, Goutham and I were taking a walk, saw a new house in our neighborhood. Saw a girl inside. WOW! It was her! Overjoyed, I kept roaming, just to take a sight at her. Then, one fine day. The day I could never forget in my life. Goutham caught a junior of mine, who was her classmate, he had him introduce us to her. "You were the one who added me on yahoo right?" she asked, I said a yes with a shy smile. Happiness happiness all over. We chatted on yahoo messenger often, I called her on her land phone very often, just to hear her voice. We had similar tastes, similar interests, gave me a lot to smile for. Roamed near her house with Goutham, another day she came on her bicycle, and she gave that smile with a 'hey' which, still is always picturised when I think of her. There was something jumping inside me when she smiled, feeling of love. She introduced us to her mom then. Came to know that she has a boyfriend, not so shocked, because of her beauty. Talked to her boyfriend, came to know he was not so serious about her, spoke bad things about her, I didn't like it, but knew it was going to end some day. He played with Goutham and myself text messaging from a number claiming to be her. Problem became big, my friends got angry and they beat him up. Never spoke to him after that.

Weeks passed, just like I knew, it ended, her relationship. I now very badly wanted to say what she means to me. Called her on her land phone, spoke to her, was too nervous to say it, hence had a normal conversation and hung up. Another day while talking to her on the phone, she invited me to her house, no one was there, her leg was fractured. I went inside, talked to her, looked at her, was very nervous. Tried so hard to tell her I love her, but did not want to look cheap because we were alone. Days went by, talked to her very often, really addicted to her voice and her face. One day piled up all the courage to tell her what I felt for her. Called her on her land phone. "Varuna, I'm in love", I said. She asked "With who?" I said "You". She asked "Are you mad?" "No, I'm serious", I said. She hung up. Feeling great as I have made the very first proposal in my lifetime. But she didn't respond the way I wanted her to. I tried letting her know how much I loved her, she never had the ears to listen, nor the heart to understand. I completely understood, because she just had a break up. One day finally she text messaged me from her mother's mobile. We had a conversation. I said again I loved her. She stopped messaging.

2008 : First year college, very famous for being a dancer, got a few proposals, was not able to think of anyone but her. One sunny day, I was entering college, Got a text message, it was from her. Said that she got a mobile. Happiness. Messaged her the whole day sitting at the college basketball court, unmoved, bunked college. Tried messaging her many times. She did not respond a lot. Still had a few conversations on yahoo messenger and social networking sites, made it a point to meet her once a month, atleast. As it was very hard for me to meet her, being in an evening college. Met her often, just for the love I have for her smile. Reduced calling her, because her mother did not like it. Days kept going, came to know she likes dance.

2009 : Shook her hand on New Year's day. Still meeting her once a month. Her 11th grade got over. Memories striking me how bad I fell for her when I was in my 11th grade, and how the case is still the same. She started text messaging me. I told her I still love her. She said it's impossible for her to say a yes, she did not hate me nor love me, she just did not want to have a boyfriend, she just wanted to be friends. But I did not want to be friends, I tried so hard to convince her, but failed to convey what I felt for her. She didn't accept me. I tried very hard. I lost, but did not give up. Having the hope she would love me some day when she understands what I really feel for her.

Second year college. Much more famous, representing a dance company now. Adroit Dance Company. Got another best friend, Sriram. Shared with him almost everything that I shared with Goutham. He knew how mad I was, about this girl. I introduced him to her, thinking he would help in conveying what I felt for her, because I was still nervous, I still haven't perfectly conveyed what I felt for her. What I feel when she smiles. He tried, but she did not like him talking about me. He deleted her number and stopped talking to her. I felt so incomplete without her. She came in my dreams once in a while. Still kept meeting her once a month. Still having something jumping inside when I see her smile. I called her in the midnight on her birthday, she didn't answer. I messaged her at 12am. She said I wasn't the first one to wish her. Felt so bad like never before in my life.

2010 : Tried meeting her on New Year's day, was not able to. Became a professional dancer, started representing the Hips 'n' Toez Dance Company. Felt good, shared with her, just like I shared everything else in my life. But still she was not mine. I still had the part missing in life. Not able to accept someone else in my life, though got a few more offers. Yes, she was a part of my life. A dream. Started learning a style called Bboying. Started spreading the Hip Hop culture, getting famous all over the city, yet, no one meant as much as her to me. Her 12th grade got over in march. She started texting me everyday. Heights of happiness. She came to my house one day. We danced salsa. One of the best days of my life. She's the first woman I've danced salsa with, till now the last woman. Time went by, we chatted day and night, again proposed her. She again said no. Her intentions were the same. She once said if she has a boyfriend it would be me, I don't know if she meant it, but that one single message of hers, brought up light on my face. Still trying to convince her to say a yes, still trying hard, still failing, ended up saying we'll be best friends. Was not satisfied with that.

She got into college, I got into my third year. Very busy with exams every other week and projects and dance. Still tried text messaging her, she replied very rarely, almost lost contact. Was not able to meet her very often. Wished her first on her birthday, made a little card for her by myself. Very busy. Still she was in my thoughts, all the time.

2011 : Life got really busy, wishing I had more than 24 hours a day. Organizing our own show. Practicing 8 hours a day, college 6 hours. Invited her to our show. She said she would come if she had company. Spoke to her friend, she did not show any interest. Uploaded a video, Varuna did not watch. My feelings for her still going strong. I stopped telling her I love her. I wanted to meet her and propose her. For the past four years I've never been able to propose her when I met her, I've just told her over the phone and through text messages and online. My third year exams, did not talk to her. Busy studying. Exams got over. Got a job to get experience of a year. Started meeting her again. Still going crazy over her smile.Been five years now. Craving to tell her I love her on her face. Met her almost everyday as my job timings were comfortable. Everyday trying so hard to tell her. One day, took up all my courage, walked with her and told her I love her, she got angry. She doesn't understand what I felt for her. A couple of days passed. It was raining. I walked with her in the rain, wow, life could never get any better. She said I was irritating. I felt bad. But still, having the hope someday she will understand what I feel for her. I said I love her and I left home. I still go crazy, I go wild when I see her smile, still something jumps inside of me when she smiles. She still means the world to me. She's the only person on this whole planet I want to spend my life with. I still love you Varuna, I will forever do. You will someday understand what I feel for you, these many words still don't explain it perfectly.

Met with a major accident at the end of september. While starting to go out with my friend to the park for practice, my friend suddenly exclaimed that he left his mobile phone at my house. We came back and when I almost reached my house I got hit at my leg so hard that my bones broke with a sound. The first thought that came to my mind was Varuna. Wondering how to meet her, doctor said I would not be able to walk till december. I text messaged her every single day of what the doctor told me and what was happening, how much I loved her and missed her. After I got discharged from hospital in middle october, I came home and was still wishing she paid me a visit I badly wished a little care from her. But didn't. I heard from her friend that she did not like me sending her messages. I apologized, and I did not send her any more messages describing how much I love her. Still with dreams. Wish she hears.